What strikes you when we say the word “past”?
Something that is gone? right..something that has passed, whether it’s time or memory or moments and every second you’re spending right now is turning into past the very next second. Isn’t it?
But wait! What if few pieces of that same past are still wandering mindlessly somewhere deep down your memory lane? The past which has flipped on calendar’s pages but is still present in minute pieces in a lone corner of your heart and mind?
Whether it’s just a coffee mug or that gift which you still keep in your showcase or the play-list of songs that occupies your phone’s memory space even today , or even that one blocked number in your Whatsapp contacts- everything hits the same old chord of your forgotten melody.
Do you still think it’s past?
You have moved on in life(which usually everyone does) and found a better and almost compatible person. You’re living a much better life in terms of love and understanding. Yet,, those memories keep knocking unconsciously on the door which you had closed a long time back, just to haunt your present and take away all the joy from ‘NOW’. And, it’s not just you, but also your present relationship that is suffering because of it.
If your past still influences your decisions, feeling and reactions , then undoubtedly your past relationship is affecting current one.
Technically, You should not carry your past burdens into your present, not only will it affect your partner but will also cease you from rejoicing the fullest in your current relationship.
You won’t realize it, but your past will keep haunting you unless you make peace with it, especially in your mind. Stop thinking about past relationships.
Signs you should keep your eyes on :-
1) Your fear reflects in your new relationship.
Fear of any kind never does good to anyone. We all know it, it’s the most common aftereffect especially when people step into a new relationship from an old one. They start looking at everyone and everything with their ‘Past glasses’ on. If they had a heart break once, they feel someone else might break their heart again. If their ex didn’t love them, they feel that they are unworthy of love. And, this clearly reflects from their reactions, their over possessiveness and even their ways of expressing love.
When you enter into a new relationship, you should step in with a fresh perceptive of everything. That’s why we call it a fresh start. You need to stop over thinking and fear of past should not stop you from enjoying your new phase at its fullest.
There are few things you have no control over, if these are meant to go down the bad lane, they will; your fears can’t stop those from happening. And, if they are here to traverse swiftly, even the biggest fears can’t steal their charm.
How far do you think you can take your car with the hand brakes on? To enjoy the best ride, release every brake that’s stopping you from making your current journey worthwhile.
2) Putting unnecessary expectations.
No matter what voids your past left in you, your present is not liable to fill them. Let it come naturally to your partner rather than hitting them with your ‘expectation hammer’ to carve them into something you want them to be. Give your present partner enough space to breathe and to let them come out as real.
You need to understand that they did not design your past, but they are here to shape your present. Only if you let them do that their way and at their own pace and on their own pace then only you can get the best out of them and that’s the finest way to nurture a relationship.
Every flower has its own fragrance, you can’t expect them to smell the same.
When you go out to eat at a restaurant, what you do? Do you gate crash the kitchen and instruct the chef to prepare the meal your way? No!
So what you think you should do when it comes to relationship? Answer that for yourself.
3) Making comparisons.
Did you like it when your parents compared you with other children? Or when your teachers compared you with the other bright students in the class? Or when your ex compared you with her Ex?
Similarly, the worst you can do is to compare your current partner with your ex. It’s a never ending story because no matter what it is, you will always find something to compare with. And by doing this, you are only leading your relationship into a pit of worries and tensions.
Moreover, you will never find peace inside your head. Nobody loves to be compared with someone else, and when it comes to our past, thing can get more complicated. Don’t care or over stress about your past, the fact is – It’s gone. What you have in your present is the one you choose to be with, and there’s no valid reason for putting him/her into the ‘compare war’.
Accept them as they are, because somewhere deep down that’s what we want for ourselves too from others. There’s nothing in this world that can satisfy you than your own will to stay satisfied.
4) Secretly stalking your ex profile.
If you are the one who claims to never stalk their ex’s profiles after breakup or the one who claims to never peep into their ex’s life, then you are nothing but just a worst liar. And, that’s the sole reason why you are not at peace after breakup
Amongst things that are obvious, this tops them all. You never bother about what’s going in your own life, but you feel it’s your birth right to keep track of your Ex’s.
But if this has reach a certain level where you are not able to focus on your current relationship and is drifting you away to enjoy your present, then it’s a serious problem. If you keep looping yourself in your past, you are not justifying your current relationship.
The worst part is – you have no control over it. No matter how long you keep stalking, there’s nothing you can change or do about it. Those who tried to control everything, lost control even over themselves.
The ideal thing to do is to focus on what you have full control over I.e. your current relationship. Learn to stay unaffected from your past and also learn how to stop living in the past relationships. It’s hard I know, but if you learn to bring your awareness and shift your focus on present and start appreciating what you have, then undoubtedly you will make a huge difference in your present relationships. It’s time that you should stop dwelling in the past.
You can be your current relationship’s best friend or Its worst enemy, it all depends on you. There are so many things you have no control over – accept it. Acceptance is the first step towards a brighter present. Your new relationship doesn’t have enough space to accommodate your past luggage. Make sure to leave it there only and create a fresh space for new memories and moments. If you keep one leg in the past and other one in the present, you are wise enough to know where you will get hit at.
Have you ever faced this situation? We would love to know how you overcame it. Let’s have little chitchat in the comments below. Do share some of your experiences.