Four secrets of a happy marriage.
1. Find a woman who can cook and clean.
2. Find a woman who is an animal in bed.
3. Find a woman with lots of money.
4. Make sure none of these 3 women ever meet each-other.
No doubt, out of all the jokes ever made Marriages and relationships quotes/jokes rule out all. No just they are funny and witty, but also give us insight into different side of relationships. Not always we have to read and listen the mature and wise side of relationships.
At times its okay to take things in a light way. And, what can be better than to read some hilarious and funny quotes about love and marriage. After all, Who doesn’t like witty humour.
Let’s begin- Funny quotes about Love and marriage
1. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. Clint Eastwood
2. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Anonymous
3. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey
4. My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg
5. Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. Carroll Bryant
6. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. Albert Einstein
7. They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
8. A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor
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9. A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him. Helen Rowland
10. There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy – her heart. Melanie Griffith
11. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner
12. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein
13. An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie
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14. If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes. Chuck Palahniuk
15. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. Rodney Dangerfield
16. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. Woody Allen
17. Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. Oscar Wilde
18. If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books. Alan King
Also Read:- Top Quotes about Trust, kindness & Forgiveness
19. People should fall in love with their eyes closed. Andy Warhol
20. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. Groucho Marx
21. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford
22. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Helen Rowland
23. A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has. Ralph Waldo Emerson
24. One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued. Benjamin Franklin
25. Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. Arthur Dewar, Lord Dewar
26. Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. Ogden Nash
27. I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella. Jimmy Cannon
28. In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. Helen Rowland
29. Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house. Jean Kerr
30. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best. Woody Allen
31. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Oscar Wilde
32. Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. Gene Perret
33. Hate is funny. Love isn’t. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive. Carol Grace
34. Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. Billy Connolly
35. Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance. Oscar Wilde
36. My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield
37. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Paula Deen
38. First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint the second time. Honore de Balzac
39. Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. Leonardo da Vinci
41. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman
42. To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. Bess Myerson
43. I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in. Emo Philips
What’s your favourite quote?
Tell us in the comment below.