At least for once in our life, we all suffer heartbreak. A hard moment which shakes our lives upside down leaving us vulnerable and in a heartless state. As people say, it’s like the world has come to an end. Like spring has turned into an autumn. When it comes to getting into a relationship, we have all the required knowledge and tactics and game plans. We invest our time, our emotions and our self in a relationship, nurture it like a plant.
Though we are unaware of the very next moment, but, when it comes to relationships and love, we plan it till the doomsday. Once in our life, we all have asked our beloved that one question. Will you stay with me forever? And we get a positive reply “Yes my love, forever, ever and ever…..” in a sugarcoated pampered voice tone.
Will you stay with me forever? And we get a positive reply “Yes my love, forever, ever and ever…..” in a sugarcoated pampered voice tone.
We are the one who posts and tweets the quotes about the uncertainty of life. But even that uncertainty doesn’t stop us using this word “Forever”. Baby and forever are the most commonly used words in any relation. It’s interesting we cover every stage of our life merely in these two terms. What starts as a baby; goes on and on till forever.
But when it’s over we keep on playing the same set of the questionnaire in our mind and start to Google “How to get over your Ex successfully” articles.
And we keep asking ourselves:-
If relationships are so perfect and eternal, why breakups happen?
If our planning is so apt and logical as per ” World Forever Standards,” why we end up breaking up the next day?
I can’t give the answers to all your why’s. Nobody can.
No one can tell you that why your “you bring light into my world baby, you are the special one my GUPUCHU KUPCHUU HONEYPIE” has turned into “I wish if I had never met you.”
Nobody can solve the mystery that Why” You give meaning to my life” turns into ” you have spoiled my life.” in the end.
And after this, how many of you find peace after a breakup and get over your ex successfully?
I can bet none of you. Any relationship takes a minute or a moment to happen. Getting over it takes years. And for some of us, it never happens. Some of us still carrying some piece of past in a lone dark corner of our brain. Those empty gun shells of our past still fire at us sometimes.
So why does it happen?
Why aren’t you able to move on? Why is it still affecting you?
Because you haven’t made peace with your past, and somewhere deep down you are still struggling with your past. Consciously or unconsciously, the Axe of our “Ex” still hanging over your head.
Reasons why you can’t get over your ex and find peace after breakup ?
1. The blame game is still on.
We are so happy and confident in taking the responsibility of other’s life. “Baby, trust me, you are in the safe hands, from now on you are my responsibility.” But when it comes to breakup, we always throw the ball on another side. We keep playing this “breakup volley” till either of us win the game. This is the primary reason that why you aren’t at peace.
For God sake, stop this blame game. You need to accept the fact that you aren’t a God. You need to take your share of responsibility. If It takes two people to get into a relationship, so when it comes to breakup, you just can’t turn your back with your own share of responsibility.
Blaming is a waste of time, no matter how hard you try you can never make other people realize that it was entirely his or her fault. And still, if you feel you can, You don’t belong to this world. You need to accept; it’s not always someone’s fault, few things are intended to happen. No matter how hard you try, if it’s meant to happen, it will.
2. For god sake, stop stalking your Ex’s social profile.
“Keep aside all the profiles of close friends and family, the first thing I am going to do just after logging into my Social platforms is to peep into my Ex’s profile.”
“Damn how come she has started looking more prettier than before just after the breakup.”
“Who is this new girl with him, and why have they just an inch gap between them?”
And, yes delete all your fake profiles you created after your breakup.
Stop buying new Sim cards, just because your Ex has blocked your number.
I won’t get into the science behind it or won’t preach about human psychology related to this.
I will say this straight onto your face. Want to make peace with your past and get over it?
Then STOP IT.
3. You have low self-esteem.
Worst mistake most of us do in any relationship is, we attach the meaning of our life with the existence of just one person. ” oh! You make my life beautiful; it was a mess until you came in and blossomed it with your essence of presence”.
I just want to ask all these people. Were you malnourished before he or she arrived? Did his or her presence turn you into from regular guy to some celebrity? Did you use to smell like rotten vegetables before her essence of presence?
Just accept the fact it’s just you who can change your life and elements of it. If they are just the dialogues to please your partner. Great! You nailed it.
But’ if you seriously mean them, stop bullshitting around. Nobody, but just you have the right to attach meaning to your presence. You need to realize that you are special. Both before and after your relationship. Don’t wait for other to tell you that how good you are. Work on your self-esteem and self-image. Don’t borrow eyes from others to look at your own self; you will always end up finding faults in your stars.
4. You can’t digest the fact that it’s over.
“Let’s just end it.”
“Let’s just be friends.”
” You will find better than me, you know why? Because you deserve the best and I am not the best one for you.”
No matter from which direction you fire, these words guns down the same fact that “it’s over.”
Better you take it seriously, stop pretending like you know your partner best then he or she knows himself or herself. “Baby, I know you, you still love me.” Dude, come on. It’s time to digest the fact it’s over. Stop holding the imaginary rope of hope. Better you make peace with it and move on.
5. You still please yourself with all the reasons ” why you were perfect.”
“You know I was so perfect, but she was like this or that.”
“I did so much for him; like I even made him a card you know, but he never deserved it”.
Stop fooling yourself around. No one is perfect. Stop portraying yourself as “Perfect” in front of everyone. Just stop finding faults in other.
You aren’t perfect yourself. Nobody comes into a relationship with a hidden motive to destroy the other. If one says yes to a relationship, It certainly means that he is ready to invest his time and emotions into that relationship.
And in the way, mistakes happen. We all do mistakes. So just stop pretending you are perfect. Whenever you do this, you are just giving him or her space in your mind. And then you expect to make peace with your past.
6. You don’t believe in the principle of “forgive and forget.”
This is by far the most important fact that’s not letting you actually to move on. No matter how much you portray in front of your “ex” that how good you are doing with your life, and how thankful you are to him or her that for all the good things he/she did to you.
And what runs in mind ” You spoiled my life, I swear I will never forget you what you did to me, Thankful my foot.”
This certainly points to one direction; you still didn’t forgive your ex. And this is the major reason why you are not getting over it. By not doing it, you are just ruining your peace of mind. It’s making you vulnerable. And if you can’t make peace with your past, I can bet you can never expect great out of your current relationship. Ghost of your girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s past will continue to haunt your present.
There are certain things you can control, accept this fact and forgive. Don’t hold grudges in the heart. We all are human; we do shit lots of time. Just forgive and let it go.
7. You love playing your victim card.
” You know I had an intuition that this will happen, I am always bad at judging people, I don’t know why this always happen to me.”
Come on; you are the same person who was dancing in the fields or jumping off the floors and doing crazy stunts just to give a flower to your partner when in a relationship.
And now when it didn’t work out well, you have worn the coat of victim and portraying yourself a most innocent and poor fellow living in this whole world.
Why do you need to act like a victim?
There are much bigger things going around in this world. There is hell lots of suffering around the world. Merely going through a breakup dilemma doesn’t fit you into a definition of victim. It’s just an experience of life. Millions of people go through this.
You aren’t different. All you need is to learn from this experience and move on. Nobody hits the right chord in the first take. It’s okay to keep playing the life’s guitar until you hit the perfect chord that brings out the best music of your life.