Do you remember the day when you first got into a relationship? We are not talking about the short-term (deliberate) ones; this is about serious relationships that lack necessary attention. Fighting on petty issues, taking things way too seriously, wanting to get over it, trying to find solace somewhere else and not wanting to stay together are signs of a bad relationship.
Now, when I say ‘bad relationship’ I don’t mean every relationship facing issues is bad. While there are couples wanting to end it completely, there are couples who want to figure out what is wrong so that they can revamp their parched bonding, couples who no more want relationship troubles!
If you are one of the latter, I’m glad you are trying. When I had relationship issues, no one suggested what was best for us. After falling a multiple times, I ended up discovering my own ways of dealing with issues. Not every day do you find true love; and when you do, isn’t it worth trying a little more for it?
I might not know what your actual crisis looks like, but if they are one of the common relationship problems, here are few answers to them:
1. Talk –
Talking is not easy. It can make things go messy and might as well invite unwanted discussions, leading to secondary issues. But there is nothing better than sitting down like adults and discussing about the shortcomings. Communication problems in relationship suck big time and does no good.
A silent treatment can satisfy the ego for the time being, but it cannot solve problems. If you choose to sit and ‘talk’ – along with angry discussions you will definitely find out what are the ‘to-dos’ from your end as well.
I talk a lot – like a lot. Though we would argue and make things messy, I would always want to talk! My husband goes silent after heated discussions, but though I take time to cool down, I won’t waste a minute without trying to sort it out.
2. Don’t Play the Blame Game –
“Really? You mean I am the one who did it? Well you know what? Look at what you have done because those lead me to this.” Does it sound like you? A lot of us tend to place our mistakes on our partners.
Let’s not do that. Instead of trying to find out whose mistake lead to a problem, it would be more sensible to ignore the culprit and focus more on the solution. A damage done is not always repairable, but look at the workarounds – there could be plenty!
The first year of our marriage was a little difficult one because that was the time we got to know about the flaws in each other. Well yes, I do have flaws – no one is perfect! But then, I felt I was being a little unreasonable about his failings. Made me feel – how can he do such things? It took me about a year to realize that the blame game is taking away all the love we have. Hence, I clogged the thought of being unreasonable and gave way to positive thoughts.
3. Practice Gratitude –
When was the last time you said “thank you for everything” to your partner (not the sarcastic way)? Did you know that a simple gesture of thankfulness can change even the most erratic behavior of a person? Keep aside the argument/ heated discussions and try saying this to your partner out of the blue! You will think of me when you see a different expression gradually turning into a smile.
Some might go a little ahead and make it sound like they don’t believe you and even throw a mocking statement at you; but take it and don’t explain yourself then; just keep calm and smile. You know, an answer back to an answer can lead to another answer which again leads to multiple unnecessary answers – you don’t want that right?
4. Keep Up the Spark –
Figure out what is costing you your love and romance. As time pass, people get accustomed to being the same with the least to change for good. Without losing a moment, ask yourself about why are you heading to a boring/mundane relationship? Focusing on what you want in the bonding is the most important aspect out here, because that will help you decide which route to take to make it better.
Don’t ever forget that this is your story and you have to write it with equal privilege. Make sure to understand what is lacking in between the two of you. Sometimes, you might overlook that your partner is expecting something different. Notice! Keep checking on how he/she feels about you or this relationship.
Make more physical contacts than just the verbal ones. A gentle hug, a caring kiss and a tender touch every now and then, can make your partner feel wanted and needed really. I mean, won’t you like a sweet hug from your partner when you are down, or just a caress when you are busy doing something? Everybody needs love.
If you miss on these basic provisions, you might as well miss on the bigger picture. Keeping the spark alive in your relationship will solve half of the problems. Nobody wants to fight on small issues and compromise on the happy-happy story!
5. Respect –
A relationship has a two-way road to it – give and take; just like any other thing we face in life. Not everything can ever go one sided and end successfully. Having said that, respecting your partner is equally essential as getting respect from him/her.
Your partner is a different individual and would have different behavioral aspects. Knowing those differences better and considering them is an instance of how much you are giving to this relationship. Please understand, a relationship can never live on ‘compromises’.
You need to see that you are accepting your partner just the way he/she is. Respecting their characteristics will simplify bigger puzzles like adjustments, sacrifices and compromises. These are just those terms, applied to make it more difficult to live with.
Nobody can tell you how to handle a relationship, especially the one you are completely involved in, but would you really give up on it just because a few things didn’t work out? Marriage is an association that creates families and further relations. Nothing can be more heart breaking than watching a beautiful bonding as marriage fall apart, for silly and trivial reasons/issues.
When you are in a relationship as such, you need to see that initially it is raw clay which needs a lot of molding and designing. The outcome is always what you desired because you created it. Handling your relationship with utmost respect, love and care will only get you happiness with a beautiful quintessence.
Build it, don’t break it.
So what are your ways of sorting out relationship troubles? Comment below with your suggestions, who knows you might end up helping others.