There’s nothing called as a happy life, it’s just a happy mindset. And the one hoping for a perfect life needs a hard hit of reality. Life is hard! And, it’s okay. It has always been like this. Not everyday the sun will shine brighter for you, not everyday people will be good to you, not every day you will be on the good side of a relationship. Moreover, it’s okay if you are feeling lost and alone sometimes.
It’s just a part of our emotions which is triggered by certain experiences and circumstances which didn’t leave a good memory in our brain.
And, when you get hit by a cliché of loneliness, there are certain things you should keep a safe distance from and also there are certain things you should do to make yourself feel better.
You can either land in wonderland or blunderland, entirely depends on your choice.
Do’s and don’ts while feeling lost and alone:
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WHAT TO DO:
1. Accept that it’s okay, you are not the only one.
You aren’t the only one in this mess; there are tons of people who are falling into this. The triggering moments can be different for each one of us, but we all face this once in our life, or even several times.
Like happiness, joy and sadness are emotions, this is nothing but just a sub-emotion of sadness. Don’t go on saying “why is this happening to me only?” “why me?” “why do I feel so alone?.” You aren’t alone in the world who is feeling the same.
Ask your friends, family or anyone else. Then you will come to know that it’s okay to feel that way. Don’t see yourself as the only victim. There are millions out there fighting with the same issues and finally coming out of it successfully.
2. Release the shit
What will happen if I challenge you to overeat for two days? The condition is that you are not allowed to use the washroom, you have to control it.
Undoubtedly, you will end up messing up with your body and digestion. But, why you need to take this stupid challenge in the first place.
Likewise when we are feeling lonely, that’s the typical thing we all do. We continuously keep feeding our mind with all the negative self-talks and thoughts and we end up feeling more bad about the situation.
If something is bothering you, go out and talk to the people who you think understand you. Tell them how you feel, seek a solution and trust me you will feel relieved.
Don’t make it an ego issue thinking that “People see me as a strong person, they will think of me as a weak person if I share things with them” “My family and friends won’t understand, better I keep it to myself.” blah blah
Stop thinking that way. It will do more harm than good. After all, every shit needs to be released to make us feel good, isn’t it?
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3. Get more active socially.
There are two ways you isolate yourself:-
- Physically.
- Mentally.
When you see it closely, you will find out how much interlinked they are. It always starts psychologically, something in our mind triggers a memory/emotion consciously or unconsciously and we start isolating ourselves physically too.
We stop responding to people, stop taking phones of friends, start to sit alone for hours in the room. Isn’t that something you are creating for yourself?
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If psychological loneliness can trigger the physical isolation, then don’t you think eliminating physical isolation can help in treating the mental loneliness too?
It will take time, but it works. More you go out and gel up with people; more you will see the good side of it. Join some social group, meet new people, let the fresh air traverse through you rather than allowing the isolation to suck all the life out of you.
4. Do things that make you feel good.
In my case, an extra cheesy pizza and a single smile of my son do wonders for me. Nothing makes me more relaxed and happy. What’s your case?
Find things you love to do, explore ideas that make you happy, dig out something that leaves a bright smile on your face. Do everything that can help you to find your lost happiness.It’s something you should find on your own.
Does watching an action movie makes you feel good? Do it.
Does morning trekking makes you feel good? Do it.
A fresh brew coffee makes you feel good? Do it too.
Don’t think, JUST DO IT!
5. Embrace it.
In this chaos and cluttered world, we all need a ‘Me-time’ to revive ourselves. And, when you find it; Embrace it.
I rarely find my mind in a silent zone and always look for the ways to control thoughts. It’s always occupied with distractions, tensions, nonsense and worries all day long.
Rarely I find myself in a quiet state; doing nothing but just embracing the good.
Don’t see loneliness as a curse, take it as an opportunity. An opportunity to look within yourself, an opportunity to go within a more profound state of ‘self’ and also an utmost opportunity to find oneself.
The closer you look at it, more you will get nearer to yourself, better it will be.
It’s okay to be lost in life sometimes, that’s how you will find yourself.
6. Follow a good routine.
Initially It would be hard to follow a good and healthy routine while you are unwillingly stuck in the loneliness mode. But with a little practice and strong determination, you can make small but effective changes in your routine only to see a sun rising over you again.
Have you noticed, what you do when you feel lonely?
You cut yourself from the outer world and go into an endless loop of over-thinking.
And, what’s the first thing that falls prey to it? Your routine.
Isn’t it?
But, it’s okay. It happens with everyone. However, it can be controlled by your constant efforts and little awareness.
If you are in no mood to continue rigorous workouts like before, no issues, at least have a good morning jog.
So what if you don’t feel the same love for food like before, at least eat healthy food.
Try not to mess up with your routine. It will surely bring down your stress level. Don’t you trust me? Try it by yourself.
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WHAT NOT TO DO:
1. Don’t resist it.
Take any self-help book, or read any blog or anything which talks about a problem, all talk of the same thing when it comes to dealing with any problem or situation.
What’s that?
Accepting that there is a problem.
You can only find a solution when there is a problem. And, when you don’t accept it, you can’t do anything about it.
Faking it is a big no. If you are not feeling good, accept it. If something is bothering you, accept it. So, what will you do when loneliness is hitting you hard?
Yes, you got it right.
It’s okay if you are not feeling good. Let it be. But, don’t resist it.
Negative emotions are like a spring; more you push it down, more it will bounce back at you. Don’t let it overwhelm you, as I said above.
Maintain your calm and seek help rather than resisting it and getting a hard bounce in return.
2. Avoid things that can add more sadness to your life.
Do not do anything which can add more bricks to your lone wall. It will do more harm than good.
Look for the things that can release tension from your head rather than doing things which can make the situation more worse. In most of the cases i have noticed that our past affects our present too. People who are facing difficulty overcoming past relationships or experiences tend to feel more depressed.
Avoid watching dark and sad movies, avoid listening to sad songs, in-short avoid everything that makes you feel more lonely than before.
Your mind perceives what you see, don’t fill it with crap.
3. Don’t feel useless and pity yourself.
OH! Lord, why you choose me for this, why am the one facing this, why, why, why!. Stop it.
Do not see yourself as a victim; you are not. It’s just a momentary emotion which will pass.
The moment we go overboard and see ourselves as a victim, we lose control over them. And, we can’t handle things which we have no control over.
It is your own problem, you are facing this issue, so who is going to do anything about it? No-one but just you.
However, when you go into a victim mode, you are left with no option other than facing it. Things will turn out good for sure, but only when you will deal with them.
You don’t have to pity yourself, that’s not the way which brings you back on the track.
4. Don’t indulge in Alcohol and drugs.
Never find your solace in Alcohol and drugs while dealing with this issue. That’s the most hazardous solution you can think of.
It might give you temporary relief, but sooner or later you will find yourself falling into a much bigger trap than the loneliness.
These things are something you should strictly avoid; they can also trigger the depression and who knows you might fall into the chronic loneliness and never recover from it.
If being lonely is seriously bothering you psychologically, then better you visit a doctor and seek professional help rather than getting indulged in these.
Alcohol and drugs were been never a solution for anything, nor they will ever be and they halt your process to be a better person.
5. Don’t seek happiness on social media.
Don’t put your hope on social media when you are looking for a way to deal with “being alone” zone. It’s the worst place to seek a solution for this.
When’s the last time you genuinely felt good while seeing the updates of your friends and acquaintances travelling around the world, clubbing or other things?
Social media is just a source of entertainment, but if it starts affecting you adversely, than it’s a big problem. Sharing big updates of your mood just to seek sympathy and attention, will do no good to you. It’s a bad practice that you need to avoid strictly.
You can imagine when in a normal state of mind it’s not making us feel good, how worse it can do when we are in a state of loneliness.
So, better you don’t rely on it.
In The End:-
Every single human being has his/her share of high’s and low’s and loneliness strikes each one of us. All you need to do is not to let it overpower you. Just because you are feeling lost and alone doesn’t mean that you have a psychological problem that is impossible to deal. This doesn’t make you an alien. All you need is to find wise ways to deal with it. And, am sure you will find your way to life again.
How you deal with loneliness? Share your experiences in the comments below.
Nice article bro. I could relate to 3rd point of Do’s and 5th point of Don’ts. Well written.
Hi Harsh,
you have a great blog here and I love this article.
You touched a very important topic, and you mentioned alcohol. As you said, everything is in our head. I like to compare that with alcohol. For example when you are drinking a beer or any drink, you’re getting a better mood but in fact everything around you stays the same. Only your perception of reality is changing.Everything is in our head,happiness, sadness , all emotions.
Keep writing and thank you